Jag-ho!

Clearing the dust

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 23:56:35 +0530

I finally cleared the dust that had settled on my tumblog. Thought I’d start off this renaissance with a bang. Changed the theme around. Started by creating my own theme, but when I saw these beautiful pre-created tumblr themes, I thought WTH. Why put in double the effort?! So I found this cool theme and customized it.

Among other reasons, the dust had settled ‘cause I was busy with a barrage of things. First of all there was a marriage in the family. It’s always a busy occasion. Secondly I was dealing with a storm of ideas in my head. Not easy articulating earth-shattering thoughts or dreaming of turning Googles into reality. Thirdly I was dealing with the bookish-endeavour-syndrome in a healthy way. That took out a bit of bandwidth out of me.

While there maybe gazillions of other reasons, I chose to rest my case here. I’ve blown away the dust. This tumblog is very much alive and breathing. Cheers to humanity.

velvetrobots: 9gag: 9GAG - Life Precisely. Yeah!! Now I can...

Sat, 08 Aug 2009 21:52:07 +0530

velvetrobots:

9gag:

9GAG - Life

Precisely.

Yeah!! Now I can proudly say that I quit my job for a higher cause, which at the time being is nurturing Orbit Pulse.

Bookish Endeavours

Sat, 01 Aug 2009 21:34:00 +0530

How hard could it be to write a book?

My hunch is, it’s harder getting it published than to be able to compile one.

There’s a strong feeling in depth of my guts. I’m gonna try this one out.

My Gaming Rig (with tips on building your own)

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 13:00:00 +0530

While it’s not the fastest of the lot, it serves me the purpose. I bought it 5 months ago, so the prices were very different back then. Ok, here it is:

Intel DG41TY Chipset (I wanted on-board graphics support as a backup)
4 GB DDR2 RAM (DDR3 motherboards were expensive! Tip: To make the most of 4 GB RAM, you’ll need a 64bit OS. I highly recommend Windows 7 64bit)
Core2Duo E7400 clocked at 2.8 Ghz (I made sure the motherboard supports Quad CPUs for a later upgrade. I chose to splurge on graphics)
Palit nVidia GeForce GTS 250 with 1 GB GDDR3 (it cost me a BOMB! Was close to Rs.12,000..that’s around US$250). I did a lot of research for the GPU. I chose this over the Radeon’s, namely the Radeon 4830 and the 4850 because unlike the US markets, these were priced comparably to the GTX 250, severely overpriced! While the 4870 is its actual competition (due to the extremely fast 512 MB of GDDR5 RAM it sports).
Samsung HD322HJ 320GB hdd for storage. Had the best value for money back then. Hard-disk performance should never pose a problem, you can always buy two and put them on RAID!

Before I conclude, you would need a decent power-supply too. Buy that keeping the future upgrades in mind (like twin hard-disks, or a more powerful CPU). I’d say be safe and go for a 500-600W supply.

A new chapter

Wed, 29 Jul 2009 21:23:09 +0530

I feel I’ve started a new chapter in my life. One that required me to speak less, and do more. Alas, that would leave very little for me to post on this blog then. Which is exactly why I intend on turning this into a more conventional home-page. Static pages, with stuff about myself. The tumblog would remain, however I’m thinking of unlinking it from jagtesh.com. It may become blog.jagtesh.com. And of course, the content would change as well. No more menacing you with my heavy on the head life’s story. I’ll post more readable stuff. Stuff that I wanna talk about. And anyone would find it interesting. You don’t havta-havta be a geek, or an intellectual. But what I do guarantee you is that you’ll become an intellectual after reading what I’ve to write *wink *wink

Who stole my mojo?

Sat, 27 Jun 2009 14:02:31 +0530

Everytime I fail to make a friend feel powerful, I fail. Everytime I fail to aid a friend become successfull. I fail. Everytime I fail to transform a dear person in my life, I fail.

Everytime I’m being someone to look good in front of others, I fail.

Everytime I take a stand for someone’s life, and give up on them, I fail.

It’s so easy to let go off people, just leave them alone and let them go on their own paths. Cut them off from our lives. It’s so much more harder to keep at them, keep them going. Be there for them no matter what. Whether they love you, hate you. Giving them a gentle push, just a nudge, in the direction where they really can live a fulfilling life.

How do I become that power..that force, which takes everyone along powerfully? Taking everyone places where they want to be.

Giving people what they really really want, not what they think they want, but what they really really want is the ultimate pleasure. It’s a long process. Takes years. But when it happens, it has a long-lasting impact on their lives. They never forget you. You never forget them.

To those I’d given up on: I’m sorry, I was weak. I couldn’t see the hidden power inside you. I channelized my energy towards hatre and regret.

So, who stole my mojo? I did.

With a renewed resolve now: I’ll be your coach, your leading light till you can shine the all way for others to see. I will stand with you, live with you and when the time comes, die by you.

Edited. Orginally written on 14th January 2009.

My Juiced Up PCA pitty, cause ever since I started working...

Sun, 12 Apr 2009 11:20:00 +0530

My Juiced Up PC
A pitty, cause ever since I started working again, the only chance I get to use it is over the weekend!

The coin that didn't like being flipped

Sun, 05 Apr 2009 18:02:00 +0530

“Hate, regret, anger and frustration are just one side of the coin.

Maybe, discovering what you never wished to discover is the flip side of going beyond one’s reasons.

But no matter what, it’s what one creates in such situations that makes one powerful or powerless.

I’ve been feeling powerless in a situation that’s my own creation. Although, the result of which was not what I wanted, but what I feared.

Nobody said it would be easy, but knowing what I’m dealing with surely makes me 10 times lighter.

I do wish though I wasn’t dealing with it alone, but that’s been my weakness throughout, not being able to deal with my life myself!

How and when if not now?!”

..and so it began..

Awakened Composed by yours truly, on an oh-so-lonely late...

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 02:17:00 +0530

Awakened

Composed by yours truly, on an oh-so-lonely late evening out of boredom.

The experience ended being, guess…awakened!

Update: Seriously guys, thanks a lot! With the unimaginable response I got for this from you, you’ve motivated me to create more pieces and share them here with you

Download Awakened

Slumdog spectacle

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 03:31:00 +0530

In these semi-anxious moments before the Oscar’s begin, I’m pondering over how tightly has the Slumdog spectacle gripped the entire world.

Being an Indian movie buff, born and raised in New Delhi, I consider myself to be in an adaquate position to start a fresh argument. That there’ve been better feature films this year than Slumdog Millionare.

Of course, I truly appreciate the authenticity with which the SM script deals with the entire plot, albeit with some fictional components. Overall, after watching Slumdog, I was impressed. However, a movie like Dev.D left me absolutely baffled and short of words. A modern Devdas adaptation that’s so refreshing and brilliantly done, with a super-impressive soundtrack! It’s the best piece of cinema I’ve seen in a while. I say this with a hint of sadness and a belief that Dev.D will probably never see the kind of publicity Slumdog did.

Update: The thought just crossed my mind, whatever happened to The Dark Knight?! Hmm. Well, I haven’t seen most other nominations including Milk to make a an informed comment. The good news: my list of movies to watch just got longer!

Update 2: While I was watching the Slumdog teasers on Oscars, I remembered the real reason why I really liked watching it. It was the unique style of story-telling which truly captivated me. Now that it’s won a total of 8 Oscars, I’m absolutely thrilled for the slumdog (note the small ‘s’) and it’s Indian connection. Jai ho! ;)

For the one who hasn't..

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 03:15:25 +0530

Jag-ho re!

Of late, I’ve had a truce with myself. I felt this blog had lost it’s purpose with all the self-awareness I’d gained over the past few months; yet there’s something inside of me that constantly wanted others to read updates on my life.

In the past 2 weeks especially, I’ve seen a level of self-expression and open-ness with certain people that I never could imagine. There’s love, care and compassion in my tone. The journey I’ve set on is that of self-lessness; stepping in another’s world and making a difference from there. It’s that journey that’s brought me back to the city of Djinns.

As for the one who hasn’t blogged in a while, jago re! You’re not living your life alone, others wanna hear about you too! Consider this post as a token in that direction.

Stay tuned for more solid updates!

A Coffee With Myself

Sat, 03 Jan 2009 14:32:00 +0530

I did the most unthinkable thing today. Right after finishing meeting up with my LFIA group for our weekly meet, I came back. Saw nobody’s at office. Went to the nearest Barista, got myself a cappuccino with caramel and cream and went on a walk. Just me. It’s the best break I’ve had this entire week. I just wanted to be alone. Surrounded by strangers.

Let me repeat, I wanted to be surrounded by strangers!!

I saw a couple of confused faces. Guy in a jacket. Dressed up nicely. Walking alone with a cup of coffee?!?

There’s only one person I wanted to share this with. I hope she reads this blog-post.

Now, some background into why I felt suffocated. I did a deep introspection today. Went back, long back into my past. Put all the incidents down onto paper. For the first time, today I saw a connection between them. I let my mind be free of any speed-breakers and just wrote as stuff came in my head. I have never done that with the keyboard. It doesn’t happen that way most of the times. Pen and paper definitely rules.

I was amazed to find out a new twist to my tale till now about how I am what I am today. It’s given me a more authentic perspective to my past. One that I genuinely believe. It’s not a story that I’ve cooked for others to read. It’s something I can see clearly. I’m not clear to what degree those connected incidents have affected my life, or my decision making capability but I feel a strong sense of dissatisfaction with my earlier take on the past.

And my Amazing Friend (AF. Earlier refered to as: AW, Q), I see now how there’s so much more to my neediness than I thought. I’m getting closer to dealing with it as I’m beginning to realise this. Thanks again!

A memorable year..

Sat, 03 Jan 2009 00:10:00 +0530

This a quick post. The New Year’s eve and the day that began thereafter was the best birthday celebration BY FAR! We had music, we had a great company, there was dancing, good food, plenty of stories and plenty of singing! Met a few really awesome people for the first time. Had a great time! Left with plenty of good memories and new possibilities.

All in all, last year has been extremely eventful. The amount of things I’ve learned/experienced in 2008 is probably more compared to the last 5 years put together! Stuff I’ve always wanted to do, like playing the guitar, starting my own company, living on my own, earning and most importantly, being responsible for my life without any fear, has happened in the last year.

I made exceptionally talented friends this year. Photographers, film-makers, musicians and writers. The plurals are intended.

My wishlist for 2009 reads as follows:

Clearing all ambiguities in my life - living on facts
Keeping sometime for myself everyday
Ending procrastination
Composing a song, complete with vocals. Possibly collaborating with a brilliant singer I became friends with recently.
Living in the moment

HoHoHo..the fat man has the last laugh

Mon, 29 Dec 2008 02:29:00 +0530

Here I am. Doing unreasonable things. Writing this compeltely irrelevant non-sense post. Feeling no pain. No regret. Not even a sense of relief. Just present to the world around me. Present to my responsibilities and commitments. There’s no feeling of happiness, or sorrow. No guilt. No pleasure. No thrill. No chills.

I’m content. I can die this very minute and be satisfied with the life I’ve lived.

Maybe.

Except for one regret.

I never told her I love her.

I’m imagining myself being run over by a truck. As it’s driving over my limb, each centimetre of overlap triggers a confession or regret.

The first thought which flashes in my mind is not telling her I love her. And now she’ll never know. This is a regret I’ll take on, even after death.

How wrong was I to think I’m there already.

Boy, you’ve got some serious work to do..

TO HER: If you’re reading this, don’t worry. I’m as lost as you are. If I haven’t told you this till now, it’s cause I’m too lost in a promise I made that’s gotten me stuck. The fact that I initiated it doesn’t help much. Maybe you could break it. Or maybe I could too. I had a small chat with someone accomplished and trained for giving suggestions in such a place (you had suggeted this person long back, she happened to call me yesterday on a routine bases). Her suggestions was that we’re both in the middle of a lot of things..(rest ~~on email~~ when we talk on the phone. Text can’t capture this communication. Yes, I really want you to know this first-hand)

UPDATE: I told her. I’m complete with her about where I stand. One less regret when I die :-) But this has opened a whole new Pandora’s box for me. More on it in the next post.

Warped realities

Sat, 27 Dec 2008 01:31:00 +0530

Or so happens to be the case. When I thought life’s good (which it is) and things are going fine (which they are) and I tried something different (here’s the deal), it all came back to me with a BAM! Old foggy memories. Feeling helpless. Unsure. Who’s the culprit? Is it love? Gawd I wish I knew.

I didn’t know it back then, I sure as well don’t know if it is now. When it happened back then, we were good friends. We’d call each other, talk to each other everyday..every frickin day. For hours..we’d talk for hours! The most random of things. I remember a conversation we had on baingan bharta. I had feelings for her, some feelings.

Then things started becoming weird. She started dating this hot-shot family friend’s son and little by little, he encroached on our friendship. He even called me all the way from UK where he stayed (he’d come down to India to see her during vacations and then went back), to threaten me. Twice. I could never tell her how I felt, beyond my “liking her”. That’s as far as I knew.

It’s not the pain of losing her to this guy that pisses me off, it’s losing her. It’s losing whatever we had..little or a lot. I’ve missed it for years now.

Cut to the present, I find myself under similar circumstances. Similar grounds. Some confusion. A little feeling of helplessness (or not taking a stand, cause inherently, I’ve always cared about the other person’s feelings a lot more than my own).

I look at her photograph, and this is what I observe. She doesn’t look like a model. She’s not skinny, doesn’t have the curviest body, her face makes her look a lot older than she is. But when I meet her, I see a lively person with big beady eyes. Adorably cute. Energy that is somehow contained in her beautifully dressed body, waiting to burst out any minute. She’s a woman of elegance who wears the most perfect clothes.

Where does this leave me? I don’t know. What am I feeling here? I don’t know. I know what I’m feeling, but how do I put it in words? It’s a feeling of “being” around her. Being complete. Being strong and powerful. Being caring and lovable. Compassionate. Being in the moment. Being complete, in the moment.

UPDATE: Perhaps I didn’t stress enough how beautiful she is! Spend 10 seconds around her and feel her charm take over. It’s a great feeling. It doesn’t have a name. You can’t put a name to it!

The Secret Window I don’t know why I liked this frame. I...

Fri, 26 Dec 2008 08:12:47 +0530

The Secret Window

I don’t know why I liked this frame. I was just hanging around the window and then, like a bolt of lightning, suddenly I felt so serene. Minutes later, the moment had been caputred forever, to be savoured over and over again.

I’ve spent the day listening to awesome music. Initially...

Thu, 25 Dec 2008 13:00:00 +0530

I’ve spent the day listening to awesome music. Initially alone, cause no one was at home, then a friend joined me and the fun disappeared :-|

There’s a connection, like I’ve talked about earlier when I’m listening to music alone. It’s like, experiencing life without experiencing it first hand. Being taken on a journey through the eyes of the singer. Where the music creates the landscape, and the voice, the story.

And on that note, this is Wicked Game by Chris Isaak. Easily, one of the most painful songs I’ve ever heard…

U2 - Mysterious WaysI’ve no clue what they’re...

Wed, 24 Dec 2008 23:00:00 +0530

U2 - Mysterious Ways
I’ve no clue what they’re singing about. I just love the song!

U2 - Sunday Bloody Sunday Sunday Bloody Sunday!

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 01:23:37 +0530

U2 - Sunday Bloody Sunday

Sunday Bloody Sunday!

Post visibility on Tumblr

Sun, 21 Dec 2008 21:58:39 +0530

There are many things I’d like to share with the readers here about my personal life. Off late though, I’ve been extremely concerned about post visibity on Tumblr.

To counter the post-overflow problem - where a lot of reblogs push orignal content off the first page, I’m gonna try and make use of tags. I’ll be adding a new link at the top called “my life” which will be linked to all the personal entries.

I’d rather have all the miscelaneous posts inside a link, but this should suffice for now. At least till I find a better way..