Jag-ho!

I did the most unthinkable thing today. Right after finishing meeting up with my LFIA group for our weekly meet, I came back. Saw nobody’s at office. Went to the nearest Barista, got myself a cappuccino with caramel and cream and went on a walk. Just me. It’s the best break I’ve had this entire week. I just wanted to be alone. Surrounded by strangers.

Let me repeat, I wanted to be surrounded by strangers!!

I saw a couple of confused faces. Guy in a jacket. Dressed up nicely. Walking alone with a cup of coffee?!?

There’s only one person I wanted to share this with. I hope she reads this blog-post.

Now, some background into why I felt suffocated. I did a deep introspection today. Went back, long back into my past. Put all the incidents down onto paper. For the first time, today I saw a connection between them. I let my mind be free of any speed-breakers and just wrote as stuff came in my head. I have never done that with the keyboard. It doesn’t happen that way most of the times. Pen and paper definitely rules.

I was amazed to find out a new twist to my tale till now about how I am what I am today. It’s given me a more authentic perspective to my past. One that I genuinely believe. It’s not a story that I’ve cooked for others to read. It’s something I can see clearly. I’m not clear to what degree those connected incidents have affected my life, or my decision making capability but I feel a strong sense of dissatisfaction with my earlier take on the past.

And my Amazing Friend (AF. Earlier refered to as: AW, Q), I see now how there’s so much more to my neediness than I thought. I’m getting closer to dealing with it as I’m beginning to realise this. Thanks again!