Jag-ho!

Here I am. Doing unreasonable things. Writing this compeltely irrelevant non-sense post. Feeling no pain. No regret. Not even a sense of relief. Just present to the world around me. Present to my responsibilities and commitments. There’s no feeling of happiness, or sorrow. No guilt. No pleasure. No thrill. No chills.

I’m content. I can die this very minute and be satisfied with the life I’ve lived.

Maybe.

Except for one regret.

I never told her I love her.

I’m imagining myself being run over by a truck. As it’s driving over my limb, each centimetre of overlap triggers a confession or regret.

The first thought which flashes in my mind is not telling her I love her. And now she’ll never know. This is a regret I’ll take on, even after death.

How wrong was I to think I’m there already.

Boy, you’ve got some serious work to do..

TO HER: If you’re reading this, don’t worry. I’m as lost as you are. If I haven’t told you this till now, it’s cause I’m too lost in a promise I made that’s gotten me stuck. The fact that I initiated it doesn’t help much. Maybe you could break it. Or maybe I could too. I had a small chat with someone accomplished and trained for giving suggestions in such a place (you had suggeted this person long back, she happened to call me yesterday on a routine bases). Her suggestions was that we’re both in the middle of a lot of things..(rest on email when we talk on the phone. Text can’t capture this communication. Yes, I really want you to know this first-hand)

UPDATE: I told her. I’m complete with her about where I stand. One less regret when I die :-) But this has opened a whole new Pandora’s box for me. More on it in the next post.